Randomly, out of the blue, my childfree-by-choice friend sends me an email titled “If you have a kid,” with this picture embedded.
(I have no clue where this comes from. If this is your photo, please let me know and I’ll happily link back to your no-doubt awesome site.)
This is a friend who considers me a stalwart in terms of remaining kidless. We haven’t talked about the kid vs. no kid thing in quite some time, but when I last left her, I was still on the fence. She was kind of militant about getting me over to her side of the fence: sending me random childfree blogs to read, wanting me to commiserate about how awful parents and kids could be, and just generally making snarky comments here and there about the poor saps who had less money then we did. I chuckled at her militancy, but didn’t put much stock in it: I’m always of the “live and let live” variety, and really didn’t see how my choosing to be childfree affected her or any other person (save for my mother, who desperately wants to be a grandmother) in the long run.
In the two years since I left the job where we met, I’ve come to want kids. I haven’t shared this with her—why would I? I haven’t really shared our decision to TTC with anyone (confession: that gets lonely sometimes).
But then she sends me this. And as much as I hate to read into things, it’s something I do, just can’t help—I’m all about signs and portents even as I consider myself an agnostic who leans toward atheism. Here’s one example:
One day, a few years ago, while walking by a nonprofit’s headquarters with my mom, she says to me “TTC Writer, you should work there! They’d love you.” And guess what? A job came out not two days later that fit my experience and skills; I applied for and got the job, working for said nonprofit for two years.
(I kind of want my mom to dream about me having a kid. I feel like that woman can make shit happen.)
So my friend, who probably thinks I’m still as ambivalent as they come when it concerns having children, also thinks I should have a book-themed baby shower, possibly, one day. Can you say “weirded out”?
I actually took some time to reply. My instinct was to immediately go into a woe-is-me diatribe: “Oh man, that’ll never happen, I’ve been trying for nearly half a year with no luck!” Another part of me wanted to reply nonchalantly with a blatant lie: “Eh, if we ever make that call.”
I ended up saying, “That’s pretty cute!” (See, I can be neutral in tone when I put in some effort and thought.)
In the end, I know it means nothing. Just something to babble about randomly on the blog.
A concluding aside: I probably won’t have a book-themed baby shower because I don’t want a baby shower. But that’s something to think about when I’m anywhere near needing to decide about a baby shower.