Turn away if you’re not interested in reading about the mind game that is TTC.
Oh, body. Why are you so crazy?
I sit here at 14DPO, waiting for this cycle to end. I’ve had hints that the end is nigh, but it keeps on not happening. Granted, I expected CD1 only yesterday, but the entire cycle from 10DPO on has been different. It could be my body’s still adjusting to being off birth control. But as I said before, after a half-year of predictability, the odd cycle is very much a mindfuck.
Whereas heavy spotting usually starts at 10DPO and lasts until CD1, this time there was next to nothing until today. On the one hand, I should be relieved; the 10DPO spotting has always had me worried, and if my luteal phase is lengthening a bit (usually 12DPO), that’s not a bad thing. Maybe my progesterone levels have finally regulated themselves. On the other hand, I’d convinced myself long ago that not spotting around 10DPO was good news of the baby sort, so this cycle has been a definite trickster.
And yes, I did test (the first I’ve ever felt like I had reason to!). I gave myself a headache yesterday looking at a First Response test. One second, I could’ve SWORN I had a squinter. The next, I would just see a blank window with one lonely control line mocking me. I took a digital just in case and saw the lovely words “Not Pregnant” glaring back at me. I didn’t bother testing today since a) I had fresh spotting last night and b) I’m having not-so-fresh spotting today (not a lot, but it’s there). Even looking at the picture today, I think I see a squinter, but I’m now convinced I just know where the line is supposed to be.
But how’s this for a twist? No major cramping, no bloating, no headaches, nothing that I usually get with my period. Instead, I feel slightly nauseous (though that could just be me reacting to returning to work after taking the day off yesterday). Stop it, body. Stop. It.
Or, kid-to-be, if you’re in there, please make your presence known in some way, shape or form. Gracias.
Gah, I know this sounds crazy, but this is what TTC does to you, particularly in months when your body isn’t cooperating. I know it’s only two days past my usual cycle length, but that’s all it takes, really. Hell, if you’re this in tune with what’s going on, a few hours makes you pause, frown, ask your body what it’s talking about.
And we KNOW. TTCers know we sound absolutely insane. Trust us, we don’t like it, either.
When a cycle ends, sanity returns, at least for a little while.
I am sure I will update this with the announcement that Cycle 8 has come to an end. Stay tuned!
2:30PM Edit: I’m making the call—it’s CD1. Good news for Cycle 9 is that I miscounted the days and my in-laws will be visiting us after my fertility week is over. Bad news is that I still have to hide all my TTC stuff when they’re around.