I am friggin’ up and down this week, I know. Here’s a random post with some musings for this Thursday morning.
So despite thinking I was a dud on Monday, the place I interviewed with liked me enough to ask me to fill out the online app and told me they’d be in touch next week about meeting the team lead. This was me when I got those emails:
Nothing’s certain, of course, but it all sounds good. As a precaution, I took my new navy blue suit to the cleaners to get it pressed. It was wrinkly as hell. Wish me luck, y’all. If we’re a fit for each other, this could be good and I’ll finally get to lean in, damn it.
During last weekend’s blahness, the husband and I had a serious talk about how I’ve been feeling lately. Though he recognizes that I’m working hard to work through things and is proud of what I’ve accomplished, his hearing my negativity about myself gets him down. Though he says he doesn’t want me to worry about him, I do worry about this—the last thing I want is for us to let this dumb-ass job hurt us. I did ask him to think about the tone of voice he takes with me when he gives advice, and to understand that he’s not always going to solve everything for me and that I will have setbacks. On Tuesday, when I was crying at home, I was pretty frank with him and said that I was just sad. He seemed to understand that and just gave me the biggest hug and kiss ever.
Another thing he said last weekend was that, while he was disappointed I wasn’t pregnant this month, it may be for the best for now. He pointed out we’d been arguing a bit more lately and that I wasn’t in the best place; being pregnant would just add to the stress (I didn’t say it at the time, but I think the stress he mentioned—getting the second bedroom ready, childproofing the apartment, etc.—would actually help me focus, which is one thing I’ve had trouble doing).
You may think this would’ve hurt me to high hell, but no. I see where he’s coming from: he doesn’t want us to stop trying, but he does hope it happens at a good time. I get that. And because I know that he says what he means, I know he wasn’t trying to wiggle out of the TTC game. The way I think he sees it is like this: I’m here already, so he cares about me being happy first. And what’s better for a kid than happy parents?
And a final note for this random post: my old job released an important report. I had a major hand in moving the previous reports to completion. They are the crown jewels of my time there and I am inordinately proud of them. Imagine my horror when I noticed that this latest report had typos. TYPOS, people! One in the CEO’s letter, no less.
That would NOT have happened on my watch.
The husband asked me why I cared so much. “Because,” I answered, “Those were my babies. Now the consistency and high quality that marked the first few is lost.”
He just chuckled at me.
Okay, off to do some work and maybe write a bit of the short story I need to get done this weekend. Eek.