Strange to say since I love the weekend so much. But it’s the truth because I just want to get the truth out there already.
I’ve been slightly anxious all week about giving notice. As I’ve said before, the president and my boss are abusive towards their employees, and the president in particular has already started to go after me quite a bit after a period of acting like a kindly-yet-condescending old man. I know they’re both nervous about the upcoming period wherein the other editor will be gone. I know they’re going to be very angry to learn that I’m leaving the same week she is.
I’ve written up lines to say if they press me for details about my new job, ask me what they’re to do without an editor, what to say if they become abusive, pushing back if they demand I stay longer. I’m also fully prepared for them to toss me out at that instant—wouldn’t be beneficial for them, but might be best for me in the long run. My time sheet is up to date, I’ve confirmed the number of vacation hours I currently have in the bank. I’ve made copies of the relevant sections of the procedures manual on voluntary separation and dismissal. I’ve checked state laws on labor and wages. I think I’m prepared.
At this point, i just want it to happen already. Let’s get this out in the open.
The honest-to-Jebus truth is that this was a poor fit. Given that I’ve already been visited by HR twice, I think they’re having more than second thoughts about me, too. However, I’ll be making the first move to sever the relationship: given how much they like to control their employees, this will not go over well at all. Regaining control might mean tossing me out or trying to make my life miserable for eight business days (I’m thankful for Thanksgiving and asking for Black Friday off well in advance!). Which they won’t be able to do, which means they might toss me out after a few more days.
That’s okay, really. What has me most anxious is a) finding the right moment and b) getting yelled at. I think b) will be the hardest to deal with because: I can’t think of a time I’ve been yelled at since I became an adult; I typically deal with people who like to talk things out. I’m afraid my reaction will be anger, which means I’ll cry, which means I might say something cutting to not feel weak. Also, I don’t want the humiliation of being yelled at in front of my colleagues (I admire my coworkers for the most part). They’ll all know why I’m leaving, but I’d be very surprised if anyone stepped in to tell the bosses to be professional.
Once it’s done, though … it’s done. I know there is nothing they could do to stop me.
Monday will be hard. But it’s a necessary step towards a healthier me.