Okay, now that the spotting has really started, my sadness about another failed cycle has increased.
After a year of spotting at 10DPO, this is the second month (in which were actively trying) where spotting hasn’t been present until a couple or a few days later. The month in between where we didn’t try? Oh, normal 10DPO spotting.
It is quite the mindfuck, I have to say. After a year of consistent spotting, a couple of days of not gives me a lot of hope. But the pregnancy test is still stark white and then, a few hours later, the spotting starts. It’s a hard thing to endure.
Meanwhile, around me, people who made the decision to TTC after we did have had their babies.
I feel deeply bitter and resentful about that today. Most days, I’m fine. Today, I’m mourning a bit.
My cycles could be changing. In the long run, this could be a good thing. But there’s no denying the lump in my throat and my intense jealousy.
I will be fine soon. Right now, however, I’m angry. Incredibly so.