So, serious question.
Am I the only woman out there blogging about having trouble conceiving but is entirely reluctant to pursue treatment at this time?
By treatment I mean IUIs and IVF. I have a FULL STOP reaction to the suggestion of both. Despite my frustration about being on cycle 16, I currently reject the notion of aggressive treatment. I would rather keep trying on our own for the time being, with perhaps some medication, than get into the stirrups.
Oh, sure, when we went to the RE, I thought that an IUI might be a possibility months down the road. When it was recommended in March without preamble (medicated cycles), I was all, whoa, lady! Honestly, the reaction did surprise me because I thought I was open to the idea. Um, nope, not yet, turns out.
I have a post coming up on Wednesday that explores trying to conceive and how I identify and label myself in this process (hint: notice that I never use the word “infertile” to describe myself). But my question remains: am I the only woman who doesn’t want to dive headfirst into a treatment that could bring us a baby?
My husband says that my attitude toward TTC is that of a job candidate obsessed not with the longterm results of an interview (i.e., good job), but on having the absolute perfect interview. He asserts that, when a child arrives, I won’t give a shit how he or she got here. He’s probably right but he’s not that eager to pursue treatment, either. So, kudos to him for being logical, but fail on not walking the walk (I mean that in the most loving way possible).
I don’t feel bad about not pursuing treatment at this time. But in floating around TTC/infertility blogs, no one seems to be in a state of maybe about treatments – it’s all about when they can get started. Which is cool, but isn’t where I am. I’m still trying to figure out the source of my reluctance, too.
Again, I touch on it in the Wednesday post, but I sometimes feel like I’m not willing to do what it takes to have a kid. I don’t know why, either. Sure, I want to be a parent, and each cycle that fails is heartbreaking, but I’ve yet to come to the conclusion that we should get aggressive. Maybe the TTC process has somewhat divorced the end result (baby) from my mind – and I don’t think that’s a good thing. It’s sometimes really hard to picture what would happen after a positive pregnancy test and healthy pregnancy (away with your spawn of Satan jokes!).
But my question remains: is there anyone out there who was reluctant to do these treatments and struggled with the decision for a while? Or am I just strange, an oddball, an outlier?